Helpfulness

Author: David Schepkowski - Published: 17.06.2025

Helpfulness means doing good for others without expectation and out of genuine conviction. In this article, you'll discover how to consciously and sustainably integrate helpfulness into your life, whether through small gestures, structured routines, or as a guiding principle. ADHD, self-care, and playful perspectives are also part of the journey.


THE BASICS

What is Helpfulness?

Helpfulness is the willingness to offer support or assistance without being asked and without expecting something in return.


How does Helpfulness look like?

Helpfulness can take many forms in daily life:

  • Reaching for an item on a high shelf for someone in a store
  • Supporting a classmate or child with a difficult task without doing it for them
  • Stopping to check if someone with car trouble needs assistance

Why value Helpfulness?

While others clearly benefit from your support, helping also strengthens your own sense of purpose, connection, and self-worth. It can:

  • Increase emotional well-being
  • Foster meaningful relationships
  • Reduce feelings of isolation or inadequacy

Things to keep in mind with Helpfulness

Not all help is helpful. Effective support respects the autonomy and preferences of others. For example:

  • Doing a child's homework isn't truly helpful—it may undermine their learning.
  • Helping plan a party but taking over the theme disregards the original vision.

Always ask yourself: "Does my help support or override the other person?"


When Helpfulness goes too far

Taken to an extreme, helpfulness can turn into Helper Syndrome. This is a pattern where a person overextends themselves, tying their worth and identity to being needed by others. This can lead to burnout, resentment, and neglect of one’s own needs.


Reflective questions about Helpfulness

  • What types of support come naturally to me? Which ones are harder?
  • Whom do I help most often and why?
  • Are there moments when helping myself should come first?

Living up to your value of Helpfulness

Below are three levels of implementation to make Helpfulness a part of your everyday life based on ease and resource investment.

LEVEL 1

  • Intentional Mindset: Start your day with, “Who could benefit from my help today?”. You can also do this as part of a journaling routine.
  • Micro-Helping: Hold doors, offer directions, or check in with a friend.
  • Digital Support: Share tips in forums or leave kind, helpful comments online. You might become a valued voice in your community.

LEVEL 2

  • Scheduled Help: Block time each week for intentional acts, e.g. mentoring someone, doing volunteer work, give feedback on a friend's project.
  • Skill-Sharing: Teach what you know in small ways locally or online.
  • Helpfulness Journal: Reflect on when you were helpful, what worked, what didn’t, and how it felt.

LEVEL 3

  • Career Alignment: Choose work that centers on support (coaching, education, healthcare, etc.)
  • Empowering Hobbies: Create resources, workshops, or safe spaces that help others grow.
  • Systemic Helping: Tackle root causes and not just symptoms by advocating policy changes, building inclusive systems, or training others to become mentors themselves.

Helpfulness and ADHD

For ADHDers, helpfulness can be complicated. Cognitive overload, distraction, or time blindness may cause missed chances to help or forgotten promises. Sometimes, the urge to help comes with the promise of a dopamine hit: a rescue mission, a moment to shine, a chance to feel useful, especially when shame was a constant companion in your life. Help when it feels right, not out of guilt and take care of yourself first. This leaves you with more (emotional) energy to be as helpful as you can and when it really matters. Sometimes the best you can do for others is to help yourself first.


Helpfulness and Games

Games often use our instinct to help as a hook: quests, side missions, NPCs in need. There may be no real stakes, but our time and energy are still invested. Good games make help meaningful through story, rewards, or emotional resonance. How about transporting that to real life? Identify the "NPCs" in your life that might have a question mark over their head. Are there any Daily Quests you could complete by offering continuous help? Who else fulfills the support role in your circle of friends, and what would happen if you combine your forces?

Where you could go next

  • Love Languages: Acts of Kindness (tbd)
  • Social Roles and Group Dynamics: The Supporter (tbd)