Solicitude

Author: David Schepkowski - Published: 09.07.2025

Solicitude is the quiet way of caring and goes beyond good intentions. In this article, you'll explore how to bring Solicitude into your daily life through gestures and presence. We'll also take a look at how ADHD affects the way we show care, and how games reflect and reward this often-overlooked virtue.


THE BASICS

What is Solicitude?

Solicitude is the deep, attentive concern for the well-being of others, be it emotionally, physically or mentally. It’s about tuning in to someone’s needs and showing care in a thoughtful way.


How does Solicitude look like?

Solicitude can manifest in many and often subtle ways:

  • Asking someone how they are and really meaning to listen
  • Noticing when a friend withdraws and gently checking in
  • Offering comfort without being prompted

Where Empathy helps to understand another one's needs, Solicitude takes action. Where Helpfulness solves a task, solicitude holds space for someone’s state of being.


Why value Solicitude?

Solicitude brings depth to our relationships and fosters emotional safety. Practiced with sincerity, it can:

  • Build trust and closeness
  • Support mental and emotional resilience in others
  • Deepen your capacity for empathy and attunement

Things to keep in mind with Solicitude

Solicitude requires more than good intentions and calls for presence and humility. Similar to Helpfulness, care has to be taken with boundaries in mind. Sometimes it's best to ask if a certain level of care is needed or desired. Being tactful and respecting someone's autonomy and space goes a long way and shows a sense of Solicitude on its own.

 

When Solicitude goes too far

Unbalanced Solicitude can lead to emotional enmeshment or burnout. If you find yourself constantly worrying about others or feeling responsible for their emotional state, it may be time to check in with your own boundaries. Healthy Solicitude includes knowing when to go along with your urge to care and when to put brakes on it. Especially if you derive a sense of identity from it, or you risk developing a savior complex.


Reflective questions about Solicitude

  • How do I express care for others, and what is the feedback I get?
  • Do I sometimes care in ways that override someone’s independence?
  • How well do I care for myself while caring for others?


Living up to your value of Solicitude

Here are three levels of implementation to make solicitude a living value in your daily life.


LEVEL 1

  • Check-Ins: Ask someone how they are with genuine interest.
  • Thoughtful Gestures: Bring someone their favorite snack or leave a kind note.
  • Non-Verbal Presence: Put effort into eye contact, tone of voice, and being emotionally available.

LEVEL 2

  • Emotional Holding: Let someone in a dire situation express difficult emotions without rushing to fix them, and simply be there for them.
  • First Care: Freshen up on that First Responder Training as being the first to care can save lives.
  • Personal Touch: Start to write down small details about others and follow up intentionally (e.g., "How did that doctor’s appointment go?").

LEVEL 3

  • Career Alignment: Work in a field of practicing Solicitude daily e.g. caregiver, legal guardian, integration assistant.
  • Good Neighbor: Special needs need special care. Look for regular caregiver requests in your community.
  • Care"taker": Take on some care from another giver - walk THEIR dogs, watch THEIR children, shop for THEIR parents.

Solicitude and ADHD

People with ADHD also want to care for someone - righteously and right now! Despite getting all the signals needed to be more tactful, impulsivity might make them come off as brash and brazen, even with the best of intentions. Understanding this, when they try to connect to someone's need for care through retellings of their own experience of being "cared" for, could put a more endearing light on this. Dealing with this while having ADHD means practicing restraint by starting to care for others in more asynchronous or structured ways, e.g. check-in via text and check twice before hitting send. Ask, instead of tell. And most importantly, learn how to regulate your own emotions before losing yourself in other's!


Solicitude and Games

As opposed to other media, in Games we can literally care for other inhabitants of a digital world. The Sims probably being the most famous example of how tending to the needs of others can be engaging, stressful and silly. With strong narrative and character bonds, more story-driven games often reward solicitude through emotional pay off. Sometimes this means seeing a beloved companion rise above their needs. Sometimes, it means letting them go. Other times, it leaves you feeling that YOU are no longer needed. But healers for group raids are always sought after, and we are only talking about games here, right? So, why did YOU pick priest when starting to play?

Where you could go next

  • Value Group: The Empath (tbd)
  • Relationships: Taking Notes (tbd)